Bonnie Tyler Books an Eclipse Gig

There have only ever been two reasons to embark on a cruise ship. Gambling in international waters and endless drink tickets. Three if you happen to love gay sex and dwell in a red state.  read more

ESPN's Slave Auction Goes Over Well (VIDEO)

Every purely moral crusade must eventually begin consuming its own tale. ESPN is now under fire for a fantasy football player auction skit that too closely resembled a slave auction of the antebellum South. read more

Christina El Moussa Wants Her Money

It's not easy being a divorced bleach blonde 34-year old in Orange County. Not like the ten thousand others of your ilk remarrying business men looking for trophy wives and a blow job on the major holidays and every third Tuesday.  read more

Advertisement
Drink Wine With Jennifer Lawrence and Her Breasts and Save The Nation (VIDEO)

Hollywood celebrities have come to discover large amounts of corruption in national politics, on or about November 9th of last year. Prior to that, Goldman Sachs and Chevron were doing the right thing with their PAC and speech money. Also, Russia had a sweet national... read more

Alabama Also Says DTF Teachers Good to Go With Their Teen Students

An Alabama judge declared it unconstitutional to punish teachers for banging their sixteen and over students since that is the age of majority in the Southern state. read more

Tiger Woods Toxicology Report Is a National Emergency

Toxicology reports were force-released by an ESPN public records request, revealing Woods blood contained zero alcohol. Though a nice cocktail of Vicodin, Dilaudid (Morphine derivative), Xanax, Ambien, and weed. read more

Are Reality Show Attention Whores Worse Than Neo-Nazis?

The classic ethical dilemma where you have to steer the train left and take out disturbing silicone injected social media attention whores or guide the train right and decapitate some JuCo guy named Dylan who loves Hitler t-shirts. The seven-ten split is never an option.... read more

Taylor Swift Sexual Assault Merit Badge

Taylor Swift prevailed in her case against the Denver radio DJ who goosed her ass during a post-show photo op four years ago. The wheels of patriarchal injustice grind slowly.  read more

Bieber Denied By Bigger Whore Theory

Justin Bieber apparently trolls through Instagram looking for hot chicks to compliment publicly and privately DM to see if they're down to fuck. That's supposed to be a damning comment. It might be approximating his first admirable characteristic. read more

Advertisement
The Turning Out of Kaia Gerber

It's a weird thing when your parents size you up as a pubescent teen and tell you it's time to start dressing provocatively if you want to eat. Even weirder when you're filthy rich and that not eating part isn't even close to a legit threat. Your folks simply want to turn... read more

Britain Sees Tits, Falls Into the Ocean

The British have invited a human mass of non-assimilated Sharia jihadis onto their island home without much ado, but a pair of tits on television has the nation on the brink of meltdown.   read more

Chelsea Manning Covers Vogue

Vogue magazine seems the appropriate place for dishonorably discharged and convicted Army traitor Bradley Manning to appear as Chelsea Manning, lively post-op tranny in a swimsuit.  read more