Johnny Depp Stone Cold Assassin

In his current physical state, Johnny Depp couldn't assassinate a wingless bee. In his previous physical state, it would've been a fair fight. The bracelet jiggling wino and self-deluded hippy cowboy made an appearance at the Glastonbury arts festival in England where he... read more

NASA Blasts Gwyneth Paltrow, Though Not Into Space

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop site for women not yet under financial conservatorships is pushing $120 stickers placed on the arm designed to "rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies.” Like a tuning fork to restore the body to optimal electronic frequency. read more

Bill Cosby Beast Mode

Anybody who thought Billy Cosby was going to retreat into a mole like underground existence following his mistrial in his criminal rape case was wrong by a full one-eighty. Cosby and his Fat Albert gang are planning a nationwide series of town hall meetings on sexual... read more

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Zayn Malik Seems Uniquely Reasonable

Nobody likes the TSA junior detective kit set up at airports. Even terrorists seeking an eternal heaven can't abide a two hour wait to go bare feet with strangers. Though everybody begrudgingly agrees they don't want to end up on the slamming into a hi-rise end of an... read more

Rebecca Burger Whipped Creamed to Death

Even the attractive social media fitness models among us will die some day. You can only hope the French chicks with nice asses splashed with bidet water will linger longer than the rest. read more

Corinne Olympios' Boyfriend Also Investigating

Corinne Olympios' boyfriend, Jordan Gielchinsky, has issued a qualified unqualified statement of support for the woman he calls his long time friend and girlfriend. read more

Chrissy Teigen Still Talking About Her Womb

The rate of infertility issues among female social media celebrities is roughly one-hundred percent. Reproduction related issues are the last topical refuge of women with nothing else to talk about. read more

Miley Cyrus Offers Wise Advice

Miley Cyrus wants her little sister Noah be a breakout music star without feeling a need to react to constant online criticisms. Who needs to hear, hey, you can't sing a lick, or hey, you look like Billy Ray's high school yearbook photo with even deeper jowls. read more

Clooney and Cindy Crawford's Husband Tequila Rich

George Clooney and the only other 50-something guy he could find in Hollywood almost as handsome as himself, former male model Rande Gerber, cashed out on their Casamigos Tequila company to the tune of one billion dollars. read more

Emmy Rossum Bikini Shamed and Bill Cosby Skates on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #90

On this week's  Last Men on Earth podcast , we delve into the new female subjugation of bikini shaming, millionaires receiving inequitable pay, Taylor Swift's vagina having the power to heal, Bill Cosby experiencing blind luck, Elizabeth Banks making shit up because why... read more

Lucy Hale Fat Shames Herself

Lucy Hale violated the politically proper designation of persons beautiful in every way including the severely overweight way by fat shaming herself in a casual manner on Instagram. The not yet thirty year old TV actress posted a Father's Day throwback pic of herself with... read more

Chrissy Teigen Not Collecting the $45K Kardashian Surrogacy Bounty

Chrissy Teigen offered to be the surrogate for Kim Kardashian's third child. Outwardly, she seems a perfect match. The nearly identical levels of zero discernible talent yet large fan base by way of black music artist fucking and shameless sharing is like looking into a... read more