Kate Middleton Topless Pictures Lawsuit Nets $100K

The British royals had asked for $1.5 million in legal claims against a French magazine which ran NSFW voyeuristic topless photos of Kate Middleton's pancake breasts in 2012. European laws regarding telescopic lens photography of chicks on vacation are far more Draconian... read more

French Going to Imprison Magazine Publishers for Topless Kate Middleton Photos

The U.S. has always been generous to its celebrities in unofficial ways. Before cellphone videos and TMZ you could snort and rape and drive drunk or kill people occasionally and the authorities would look the other way. read more

Kate Middleton Has Some Nasty Dogs

Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton and the bald guy she married because he's worth billions visited India. India used to be a colonial territory in the British Empire until Indians realized fighting British guys isn't super hard. The royal couple removed their shoes for... read more

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I'm Already Sick of the New Royal Baby

In a battle for tard supremacy, men breathlessly awaiting Mayweather-Pacquiao versus women unable to pass their bowels until the next baby is born to the British royal family. This one won't even become fake ruler of the small cross-dressing remainder of the empire. I... read more

Beyonce and Jay Z Greet the Future King and Queen of England

The royals of England came and met with the Beyonce and Jay Z to discuss such things as how best to garage your fleet of Bentleys during the snowy season and a brief but telling trivia contest on how little each knew about the current whereabouts of their children. The... read more

Kate Middleton Bare Ass Sparks German Aggression

You can't just run a photo montage in Deutschland's leading cultural magazine comparing Kate Middleton's bare ass to various Kardashian sister ass and not expect some kind of 007 style response. Kate Middleton is the best looking royal by a margin of infinity times one... read more

Kate Middleton Plays Volleyball

Kim Kardashian forced her baby out of her womb several weeks early to make sure her delivery news cycle did not get lost in the far more beloved Kate Middleton royal birth. This left Kim a full month head start to battle her fatty genetic destiny through Dunkin Donuts... read more

Prince George's Nursery Will Be Africa Themed

The nursery of the future king of England will have an Africa theme, because of course. You know Africa, that continent his family brutally subjugated up until a few decades ago. Apparently his dad, prince receding hairline, just loooooves Africa. It's so, like, quaint... read more

The Royals Name Their Baby: George

Here's what I know about baby names. The more wacky the baby name, the more the parents want attention for themselves. That's why celebrities keep giving their kids stupid names. Like North West. It's a big 'hey, look at us and our wild baby names'. They could give a... read more

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Prince William and Kate Middleton Produce a Male Heir

I don't know much about English royalty, but I think this birth means Kate Middleton now gets to live. Even when Prince William starts having sex with his homely cousins to whom he is naturally attracted, Kate will be protected from the guillotine by right of birthing a... read more

Kate Middleton Goes Into Labor; Everybody Do Something

There's nothing but excitement over the pending birth of this Windsor baby. I think it's mostly British people hoping for their first attractive monarch in over four hundred years. I've never lived under the legal rule of a queen before, but I have been dominated by... read more

Kate Middleton Considering Hippie Hypno-Birth

Kate Middleton is considering forgoing modern science and giving birth under hypnosis. It's one of those all-natural hippie birthing techniques that rich douchebags choose instead of plopping out kids high on drugs like God intended. And, the big question -- why? This... read more