Abigail Ratchford Dominates

June 2, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The key iconography missing from the Snapchat IPO festivities was the collage of young women showing off their tits. Every technology and media advancement eventually comes back to selling sex. Small pieces are carved out for NFL draft chatter and lip gloss advice.


Abigail Ratchford Tits Sued And Shit Around The Web

April 15, 2016 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Giant-titted model Abigail Ratchford might be sued by In N Out Burger for daring to sexily eat their products in a YouTube video. That’s dumb. A girl with big tits eating their food only makes me want to eat there more. Marketing, people. I’d like to go animal style on her. (Last Men On Earth) […]


Abigail Ratchford Covered for America

January 28, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

While Zuckerberg is posting photos of his carefully posed domesticated lifestyle to pretend he’s not an evil super-villain, he continues to restrict the appearance of the very tip of female breasts on his social media sites. He’s creating an entire universe of quasi-naked photos involving potentially dangerous skeletal contortions in order to meet his absurdist zero […]


Abigail Ratchford Squeezes Her Own

November 25, 2015 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Social media has created a bevy of girls contemporarily famous for sharing photos of themselves mostly naked. If you’re reading that as a criticism, you’re reading it wrong. Pamela Anderson had to win the tiny chick with implants lottery to punch her ticket to a Malibu mansion. There were a hundred chicks behind her whose […]


Abigail Ratchford Backyard Pool Tits

June 24, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Girls with enormous fake jugs and round asses riding pool floats ought to be on our ten dollar bill. Fuck Harriet Tubman. I mean that in the polite way. She did some fine work two centuries ago. She has a place in the history books. For modern commercial currency you want something that states your […]


Abigail Ratchford’s Tits In Playboy And Shit Around The Web

May 25, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

In the world of tits there are few that can compete with Abigail Ratchford’s sweater hams. Well, they are going to be featured in Playboy. Finally, a reason to keep on living. Read all about the coming tit storm. (The Superficial) Alessandra Ambrosio’s cleavage will make your male parts happy. (Egotastic) Kris Jenner is now […]


Abigail Ratchford Seems Comfortable In Her Own Skin

December 2, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

People who claim I never have anything nice to say have never seen me fawn disgustingly over attractive women. That’s when every cloyingly sweet statement I’ve ever conceived comes rolling out in a diarrhetic length of mumbles that ensures I’m one flinch away from a rape whistle to the ear. I should admire men who […]


Abigail Ratchford in A Bikini for Ebola Water

October 15, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It turns out the Ebola River wasn’t even the closest tributary to where the deadly virus was first documented in the then Zaire. Somebody read the map wrong and unfairly and forever tarnished what I’m sure is an otherwise perfectly nice feces and carcass filled waterway in the Northern Congo. That’s how easy it is […]


Abigail Ratchford Could Almost Be Called Topless

May 28, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m not quite sure if Abigail Ratchford is trying to maintain her modesty or squeezing off a milk shot into the stalked eyes of sand crab. I don’t care. She’s the new hot thing in Los Angeles area beach modeling and the perfect teachable moment to talk to your kids about sex. I might start […]


Abigail Ratchford In A White Bikini

May 21, 2014 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Abigail Ratchford is a Midwestern model looking for opportunities in Los Angeles. Before packing up and moving to Hollywood, she drew a line in the sand. No topless or nude modeling under any circumstances. I know because she wrote it quite clearly on her model page. I find it admirable that girls still have the […]