Another year, Another Angelina Jolie Oscar Snub

December 21, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

 Clearly an entire movie about Cambodian problems is a form of favoritism for her son Maddox but I almost believe that Jolie genuinely cares about what’s happening in the world outside of California. 


Angelina Jolie Insists She’s the Same Old Anorexic Angelina As Before

November 20, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Jolie has appeared rail thin for many years now. It’s easy to write this off as a natural body frame for Jolie. Much like her admitted cocaine and heroin consumption were natural sources of nutrition.


Angelina Jolie Vs African Warlord

October 11, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

When Angelina Jolie isn’t busy rescuing kids from some area in Africa to claim for adoption, she’s busy trying to rid the world of war criminals. What a selfless woman. 


Angelina Jolie People Magazine Famous

September 13, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

When the editors behind People Magazine aren’t detailing a Z-list celebrity’s dramatic weight loss and skin removal or exploring the daily life of the twelve-hundred-pound star of some unholy TLC reality series, they’re usually dredging up banal confessions from celebrities willing to pony up the entrance fee. In walks Angelina Jolie. The A-list adulterer beat out the likes of Heidi Montag and Farrah Abraham for a cover on the magazine that makes Delta Sky Magazine read like The Economist. The embarassing typo on her cover quote “I’m a Little Bit Stronger” should have read “I’m a Little Bit Desperate.”



Emotional Abuse Enthusiast Angelina Jolie VS. Vanity Fair

August 4, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The third world’s very own Baby Jane, Angelina Jolie, recently came under fire for her casting techniques leading up to the filming of First They Killed My Father, as detailed by writer Evgenia Peretz in Vanity Fair. They involve a potentially emotionally abusive game testing the emotional range of impoverished Cambodian children in consideration for the lead role. Those not chosen were swiftly shuttled back to the sweat shop to craft Jolie’s red carpet look for the premiere.


Angeline Jolie Martyrs Like No Other

July 27, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Hollywood loves to dole itself out awards. Save for the most honest categories. Like biggest martyr. Literally everybody’s in contention. But Angelina Jolie likely slides in for the win.



Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron Bride War

June 30, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron are in a professional battle that you hope doesn’t spread into name calling over who has the better heeled third world adopted children. The two are fighting for the upcoming casting of Bride of Frankenstein.


Brad Pitt Has Softened

May 4, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Watching the Brad Pitt of 2017 is like watching a player who stayed too long in the game. This guy was once your hero. Now he’s broken and passed around by sailors in the boiler room who haven’t seen a dame in three months. 


Alicia Vikander Feminist Lara Croft

March 29, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The first official set pictures of Alicia Vikander as Lara Croft are here. Lara wears sensible cargo pants now, which means she’s a feminist. Or maybe she’s a lesbian. Guys who first jacked off to Lara’s cone tits in the original 1996 Tomb Raider game might prefer Angelina Jolie’s Lara Croft from the 2001 and 2003 movies. But sexualizing a woman created as a masturbatory aid isn’t cool anymore.