Britney Spears Drug Den Kohl’s Fashion Show Is Back

January 31, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Here’s Spears in the looks “Sex-trafficked teen” and “Slutty Ohio mom.”

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Britney Spears Goes Out With a Bang, On a Harness (VIDEO)

January 2, 2018 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Spears now fades back into her life of suburban motherhood and dating questionable men her handlers convince her are refreshingly nice guys during their nightly upload into the chip implanted in her forebrain.

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Britney Spears Case Of The Runs While Singing Elvis Live

December 4, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

You know it’s going to be a good day when Britney Spears’ handlers sprinkle out a trail of Zoloft to lure her in front of the cameras to sing live. The inexplicably still up and running Spears sports the hottest Kohl’s prom dress a girl could get in 2002 while belting out Elvis’ Can’t Help Falling in Love in celebration of her thirty-sixth birthday. She goes for Christina Aguilera-worthy vocal runs but ends up sounding like a squeaky toy begging for death, and it’s all perfect. The best part of this early Christmas present is the elaborate camera work, AKA someone shakily walking around Spears with an iPhone, giving the whole masterpiece a little The Night Before Blair Witch flair. 

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Britney Spears Painting Auctioned For $10,000 To Guy Who Was Auctioning It

November 6, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Britney Spears gave the art world the wake-up call it desperately needed when she painted a breathtaking field of flowers as it would appear on a sheet of stickers. The original video of Spears creating her mentally incapacitated fantasy is what really needs to be preserved in a museum. It reaches the level of delusion Mariah Carey has when thinking she looks presentable in anything other than a tarp, and just proves that reality and divadom have never bothered with each other. 

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Britney Spears Handicapable Tit Artist

October 17, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Britney Spears delivers the only funny Saturday Night Live skit I’ve seen in ten years in a new Instagram video demonstrating her surprising comedic chops. Or, she’s proving that she’s thriving with a severe mental handicap and should be applauded for knowing how to open doors. In the clip, the mud-caked gutter weave can be seen painting on a palatial-looking veranda accompanied by Mozart’s Piano Sonata 11. The camera slowly reveals what the beguiling enchantress is bringing to life with her art, and it turns out to be various patterns found on nine-year-old girls’ Limited Too rompers from the early 2000’s. The last time Spears was lucid. I want to be in whatever mental state allows one to post this Mommy And Me Paint Class abortion to social media. Must be nice. 

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Britney Spears Here To Comfort Vegas Victims

October 16, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I wonder what level of confused you have to be when washed up celebrity singer Britney Spears becomes your sole sense of security after a mass shooting. 

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Britney Spears Solo Kohl’s Fashion Show At Home

September 19, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Britney Spears might not be invited to mingle with the who’s who of drug addicts at fashion week events happening around the world, but that isn’t stopping her from putting on a manic dead-eyed fashion show of her own on Instagram. In a new video, the lip syncing sensation dons the latest in white trash looks – which would also be more than acceptable for attending Kitson grand openings in the mid-2000’s – while twirling around her mansion like someone forgot to sprinkle the daily dose of Thorazine into her Cap’n Crunch.

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Brittany Spears Spends Most Of Her Money On Massages

September 14, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Britney manages to remind us that most other people who would have made the same mistakes she did don’t have an empire of cash as a safety net to land on. The expenses of her dogs are higher than most individual teenager annual salaries earned working at the same exact Petsmart that cater to her fidos.

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Britney Spears Makeup Free Bravery

August 30, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The bar for celebrity heroism is relatively low. Also, objectively low. A staunch Tweet against the alt-right, a donation of nearly 1/2500th of your annual income to flood victims in Houston, or posting make-up free on Instagram. 

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Britney Spears Popozao Pump-Up and Shit Around the Web

August 25, 2017 | crap around the web | Robert Paulsen| 0 Comments

Kylie Jenner’s topless debut, Jourdan Dunn caught topless, and more!

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