World Upset With Tom Brady’s Wife

February 10, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

It can be pretty upsetting to most individuals when someone associated from the “better” team claims the underdog team was allowed to win out of charity. Gisele Bündchen just happened to openly express to her child what was on most people’s mind when it came to the Eagles winning the Super Bowl. The win was […]

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Country Club Ceases Discrimination Against American Patriot

July 18, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Tom Brady is all about equal opportunity oppression. It isn’t just for minorities anymore. Wait. Can you culturally appropriate oppression?

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Gisele Bundchen Rebuffed

May 18, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen went on CBS this morning while still drunk on mimosas and claimed Tom Brady suffered a concussion which was unattended to, a sort of conspiracy theory minus the interesting part. It looks increasingly like this was a total fabrication and that Brady simply told her he had a concussion because he didn’t want to talk to her. 

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Gisele Bundchen Vacations In A Thong Bikini And Shit Around The Web

September 30, 2016 | crap around the web | michael-garcia| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen let’s us see that thong in Italy. She’s never been a crazy attractive woman but she perfected how to be anorexic without looking sickly. That’s a breakthrough in the objectification of women sciences.

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Gisele Bundchen Still Earning

July 12, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

If you ever had a hint of being rich, sell women’s clothing. It’s the biggest legal market out there not involving digging deep into the earth’s mantle. Unless you’ve got a big fucking shovel, sell pants to chicks.

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Gisele Bundchen Topless for $700

September 29, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The line starts behind me for Gisele Bundchen’s 20th anniversary photo memoirs. The Brazilian model retired from runway modeling earlier this year though continues to pose for pay for magazines, advertisements, and that earnest sounding guy on Craigslist who can only meet you at the industrial park late in the evening. Simply titled, Gisele, the […]

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Gisele Bundchen Recovers From Tit Job

August 10, 2015 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen wore a burqa to disguise herself while getting new tits in Paris, which was a dead giveaway because her exposed ankles said Brazilian whore all the way. She also got her eyes done and most likely mused on having Nazi parents with the surgeon played by Cristoph Waltz. Warner Herzog is doing the documentary […]

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Gisele Bundchen Finds Solace

August 3, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Following her husband smashing his cellphone with a sledgehammer and then smirking about it while playing the victim, Gisele pretended to do yoga with her “Soul sister” on Instagram. The problem with fulling lesbianing out is you have to be buzzed and only half the party really really wants to. As you can see in the super […]

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Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Vacation Like You and Me

March 25, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Gisele and Tom Brady own a solid chunk of Coastal Central America now. They orange oiled out all the annoying monkeys so their childcare staff would be safe from rabies. They might also be re-animating fossilized dinosaur bones. You can do stupid shit when you’re filthy rich and you have six months off each year. […]

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Gisele Bundchen Grateful

March 19, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Gisele Bundchen posted a photo of herself looking svelte with the words “Grateful” written in the sand by a professional. This is thought to be in reference to her impending retirement from modeling. Bundchen will celebrate with an extra rice cake and a toast of Fen Phen laced sparking cider. Modeling requires walking and not eating, […]

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