Serena Williams Blames Race For People Thinking She Looks Mean

August 21, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Serena Williams has a ton to say on gender equality, race relations, and female sports, all from an entirely personal, subjective, and completely unfounded position. Hence, the media adores her.


Maria Sharapova In A Tiny Bikini In Hawaii And Shit Around The Web

January 12, 2017 | crap around the web | michael-garcia| 0 Comments

Tennis hottie Maria Sharapova showed off her bikini body in Hawaii. Now that she’s doped her way out of tennis, it’s important to look your best. That was flippant, but also true.


Maria Sharapova And Chelsea Handler Bikinis in Mexico

March 28, 2016 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Maria Sharapova’s people suggested she go into hiding after her failed drug test and suspension from tennis. The public has a short memory. Allahu Akbar, somebody will bomb another European capital and tennis cheating will return to its rightful place in the news. Unmentioned. Nobody told Sharapova to go to Los Cabos with Chelsea Handler […]


Maria Sharapova Working Out After Failed Drug Test

March 10, 2016 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Maria Sharapova is being praised by her P.R. team members posing as regular old people online for getting out ahead of her positive test for a heart medication produced in Latvia that also adds five mph to your tennis serve. Sharapova held a press conference to announce her upcoming positive test result for the banned […]


Maria Sharapova Tests Positive

March 9, 2016 | Uncategorized | josh-j| 0 Comments

Tennis star and mail-order-bride-look-alike Maria Sharapova has tested positive for meldonium, a substance banned by the World Anti-Doping Agency, the people who made sports less exciting. Uglier tennis players not showered with endorsement deals have orgasmed over the opportunity to self-righteously blast Sharapova. Or they would have orgasmed if the female orgasm weren’t a myth propagated […]


Maria Sharapova Almost Changed Her Name To Sugarpova

August 21, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

Tennis star Maria Sharapova apparently has her own candy line, in addition to legs that could snap a grown man’s neck in a split second, and she celebrated the one-year anniversary of the Sugarpova brand yesterday at some store in New York City. Leading up to the big moment of her holding up a bag […]


Serena Williams Can Not Be Stopped

June 11, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Like Cloverfield. It’s just a question of when she makes landfall. Jesus, look at those fucking gill muscles. I’m happy that Serena won the French Open. I hope she kills me last. Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin


Maria Sharapova In Esquire Latin America

May 7, 2013 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Instead of women’s tennis, we should have a sport called fake women’s tennis. Where girls don’t have to actually hit the ball back and forth, they just need to run around the court in skirts and sweat-resistant sports bras. This would allow girls who are not necessarily athletically gifted but who look amazing to still […]


Maria Sharapova Grunts Like a Lady (VIDEO)

April 3, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Girls who play tennis are like girls who play golf, only more muscular and unexpectedly less lesbian. I love to watch the tennis girls grunt and sweat and rally back and forth for ten minutes like one-player Pong at the basic skill level. And I almost forgot about the skirts and the loose fitting tops. […]