Miss France Astonishing Victory

January 31, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

WME/IMG bought Miss Universe from Donald Trump last year after a bunch of Spanish language networks refused to air the event after Trump offended Mexican rapists and drug dealers. Spanish language networks particularly relevant since nobody who speaks English has watched the pageant in over a decade.


Steve Harvey Had One Job (VIDEO)

December 21, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Steve Harvey’s big bald head is the universal signal that family safe comedy is coming your way. Harvey fucked up the big moment of the Miss Universe pageant when he declared Miss Colombia the winner and Miss Philippines the runner-up, the opposite of the actual results on the card. Paramilitary juntas in Colombia fired their AK’s […]


Miss Lebanon’s Future Seems Bleak

January 26, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

When you leave Beirut on the burro for the Miss Universe pageant, you’re given two instructions. Smile like you’re from a better country and don’t get fucking near Miss Israel or Hezbollah will decapitate your family and shit down their neck stumps. For two weeks of whatever the hell they do at Miss Universe, Miss Lebanon […]


Miss Universe Costume Contest Went Well

January 23, 2015 | Photos | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The Miss Universe pageant tried something new this year by having the girls wear costumes that represented their homelands as depicted in 1950’s era racist Atlases. Those ones where there were black tribalists with spears in the middle of Botswana. Miss Greece came out as a sheep being fucked by a shepherd being fucked by […]


Hang In There Starving People, The Miss Universe Contestants Are Here

January 13, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Donald Trump shuttled off the half of the Miss Universe contestants who refused to rub his hair piece against their foreign vaginas to the Food for the Poor organizational headquarters in Florida. The sort of good looking girls from around the world didn’t actually feed the poor, but they were given a presentation on how […]


Miss Rhode Island is the 2012 Miss Universe

December 21, 2012 | bikini | editor| 0 Comments

Olivia Culpo, a 20-year-old sophomore at Boston University and current Miss Rhode Island, became the first American in 15 years to win the Miss Universe pageant last night, when she… uh… won the Miss Universe pageant. And of course she won. Look at the neckline on her gown, or on this costume that would be […]