Matt Damon Wants Us To Focus More On The Non-Rapists, Like Himself

December 19, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

To say that a lot of media attention recently has gone towards men who have whipped out their penises and masturbated into potted plants in front of women is an understatement, and now our bloated savior Matt Damon is here to put an end to all the nonsense. Damon is one of the good guys and of course was totally unaware of all the molestation that was happening on his face, and yesterday opened up to Business Insider about the unsung heroes in this whole ordeal: The exemplary, stand-up fellas. Like, for example, off the top of his head, himself. The Insider headline “Matt Damon says we aren’t talking enough about all the men in Hollywood who aren’t sexual predators” has got to have been written by someone who despises Damon.


Rose Calls Out Meryl; Alyssa Calls Out Damon, The Ouroboros Is Upon Us!

December 18, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The ouroboros, the serpent consuming its own tail, the ancient Egyptian symbol of Hollywood virtue signalers and Sirens of latter day right-doing feasting on moral relativism.


Matt Damon and George Clooney Tossed Softballs by Strahan

October 24, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Damon and Clooney put on their stoic acting face and arranged an interview with Michael Strahan on Good Morning America. Strahan makes Larry King look like an Inquisition judge by comparison.


Ben Affleck Titty Twister of Hilarie Burton Bubbles to the Surface

October 12, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Every man exists somewhere on the scale of skeevy male behavior. From one to ten. Maybe you see yourself on the bottom end. You’re not a zero. No man is or we wouldn’t have seven billion people on this planet.


Matt Damon’s Kids Get Rejected

August 11, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

As part of an effort to rebuff the notion of progressive elitism Matt Damon tried and failed to get his kids into St Ann’s, a private school starting at $36,000 a year.


Matt Damon Calls for Gun Ban

July 7, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

During an interview in Sydney, Matt Damon mentioned how he wished the U.S. could have super strict gun control laws as they do in Australia. This was fairly shocking to people who’ve never heard ninety-nine percent of actors and celebrities speak before.


Matt Damon Pisses Off Minorities And Shit Around The Web

September 17, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Matt Damon pissed off the type of people who like to get pissed off by suggesting that there doesn’t need to be more diversity behind the camera on Project Greenlight. You’ve already got Tyler Perry making 15 shitty movies a year. What more do you want? See Matt backpedal on his statement. (TMZ) Courtney Stodden […]


The Most Boston Thing Ever

February 3, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

No matter what part of the country you’re from or which NFL team you support, it’s important to acknowledge that people from Boston are especially fucking annoying. The accents are unbecoming as are the stupid shamrock tattoos and being hammered on Seagrams. Most of the unpleasantness stems from the fact they have to constantly remind you […]


Matt Damon Pours Toilet Water On His Head (VIDEO)

August 26, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Week three of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge has devolved into celebrity video selfies and people using the ALS Challenge for entirely different political purposes. Orlando Jones poured bullets on his head in some rather awkwardly phrased rant about police violence in Ferguson. Carla Gugino and Malin Akerman made out and giggled. I think Lou […]


Matt Damon kidnapped Jimmy Kimmell, hosted his show

January 26, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

So here’s the opening segment of last nights Jimmy Kimmell show, when Matt Damon tied Kimmell to a chair and then hosted the show. But, as you no doubt guessed, the whole thing was fake and a scam for publicity, just like AIDS.