George Lopez Almost Cares About Dreamers

February 2, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

George Lopez is going to protest the unfair treatment of anchor babies in need of a college education across the nation by no longer playing golf until a solution for DACA is passed. How sincere. Clearly his sacrifice of swinging a club is safer than standing outside with a sign when most of the audience […]

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Jennifer Lawrence: “I Feel Like I Got Gang-Banged By The F**king Planet”

November 21, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Jennifer Larence is claiming her piece of the rapey Hollywood pie by equating her nude pic hacking scandal to an intercontinental gang-bang. The former A-lister was one of the many victims of the Fappening, and while she hasn’t actually been penetrated by every peen on the planet – wouldn’t want to take away that distinction from Kylie Jenner – she gets the jizz-st of what it would be like.

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The OG Megan Fox Granny Instagram Hottie

November 11, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Megan Fox has apparently signed a forty-five-year contract with lingerie company Frederick’s of Hollywood, because once again she’s back to pimp out their whore clothes to the delight of people who appreciate the finer things in life. Megan Fox was the original plasticy sassy starlet, and no matter how realistic of a Japanese sex robot Bella Hadid becomes, she will never be as bangable as OG Japanese sex robot Megan Fox. In a new Instagram pic, the thirty-one-year-old sports Frederick’s hot new off-white granny Westworld brothel collection, and looks damn fine while doing so if you ask me.

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Donald Trump Jr. Socialist Halloween In Penis Huggers

November 1, 2017 | News | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

With all the fame ho celebrities airing out their vages in hourly rate-ready slut wear this Halloween, who would have thought that the real headline-grabber would be Donald Trump Jr. His father’s perfectly-shaped cat anus mouth is always ready for our attention, but we only hear about Jr. when he’s opening a line of bougie hotels for savvy KKK travelers or ruining the coolness of espionage that we’ve come to expect from Jason Bourne. Trump Jr. dedicated this Halloween to his number one superhero, his dad, aww, by donning a Spandex dick-hugging American flag suit and a rubber mask with his father’s likeness. Betsy Ross wishes.

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Minaj Bod Mod Hodgepodge

October 30, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Celebrity asses are really having to one-up each other in the race to grab headlines, and it looks like Nicki Minaj isn’t ready to throw in the towel, even though she’s going up against the likes of botched Armenian centaur Kim Kardashian. Minaj has made a living out of clapping her ass cheek implants together to the hypothetical delight of men everywhere – though more femininity and sex appeal could be found in a water buffalo in drag – but the singer’s latest Instagram look really has people talking. About how scary and botched she looks. 

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Louisa Johnson Does Britney

October 28, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Halloween is a magical time of the year sluts far and wide, but each year, like in a fairytale, a select few sluts are chosen for Internet headlines covering whatever tragic party happened the night before. In this case, it’s the KISS House Party. International singing sensation Louisa Johnson had all the other wannabees sulking away with their droopy vaginas tucked between their legs when she debuted a Britney Spears circa 2001 MTV Video Music Awards look that was pretty dead on.

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Kelly Clarkson Looks Like Hell

October 27, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

While we know that all of the aged 90’s actresses out there got together at some point and decided on a standardized face, it would appear now that Khloé Kardashian, Kelly Clarkson, and honestly the rhinestone Sea Witch herself Wynonna Judd are now gunning for the same general vibe. The trick to this exclusive industry insider look? I guess just be fat. Kardashian is making a splash for her first outing with her supposed baby bump, and she chose to debut Rosemary’s Baby in some sort of Mommy and Me girdle and the type of huge distracting coat that big ugly monsters adore.

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Guess That Celebrity

October 26, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The fact that so many female celebrities, Mickey Rourke included, end up morphing into the same woman when they hit a certain age makes me a little sad. But I have a feeling that once we see the freshman class of plastic surgery victims hit middle-age, including Kim Kardashian, carrying her ass in a wheelbarrow, we’ll have a new appreciation for the veterans.  

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Demi Lovato Feminist Under Tit For “Narcissistic Career”

October 3, 2017 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Demi Lovato will pretty much adopt any cause that she reads about in a Buzzfeed listicle, and today that cause is dec under tit in a “feminist” crop top. From the Forever 21 “Woke Slut” collection. This is what we’ve been fighting for. Lovato is sometimes a lesbian when it’s cool for the summer, sometimes super depressed because that’s what happens to Disney child prostitutes, and sometimes a body pioneer for those who could possibly lose twenty pounds but are still bangable. It slices. It dices. Want popcorn? It comes out of her ass. 

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Kate Hudson In Heap Of Trouble With C-Section Social Media Soldiers

September 15, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Women have been arguing since the day humans developed the concept of what an opposing opinion is. The internet has done nothing but empower and embolden the bloodthirsty beast that is known as a collective group of angry women upset over any given topic.

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